First Time Watching League of Legends

Three hundred sixty-five days ago, I watched an archived stream of a League of Legends match for the first time. It was TSM against UOL at the Extreme Masters. I learned so much about the game since, though I don't know nearly enough. Here, uncut and uncensored, is a log of what I thought as I was watching, which will be funny to e-sports fans and maybe ring a bell or two with non-fans.

So, I'm watching as much as I can of a full LoL match. Just curious. How much would it make sense to someone who's not quite experienced at watching? What would be helpful in writing a guide to this? What kind of presentation effects would be used to clarify things? How much will the broadcasters assume we know? It's Team SoloMid vs. the Unicorns of Love. They assume we know what jungling is and maybe who the players are. Lions? Dragons? Lanes?
Eleven minutes in, we see text that's too small to see. So does every player pick three? I see that they pick in serpentine order.
Nineteen minutes. What's ganking? And they assume we know which champions they picked and whatnot? I'm looking stuff up now.
Resuming after looking a few things up. Level 1 and Level 2 are also things to look up as well. Krug? Gromp?
22 and a half minutes - So does a slain champion get replaced by one of the other champions, or are the three picks for different rounds?
What are the icons in the players' places? Are they levels? Yep. What's a leash?
Twenty-five minutes - Is it because of my 480i thing that I can't clearly see things like how much gold each team has? What's a pantheon? What's recalling?
It looks as if the summoner stays in the game while the champion is out of it. Or is First Blood just the first hit?
Twenty-nine minutes -
Thirty-one minutes - Lotta stuff I'm not understanding, and I haven't gone over gameplay enough.
Thirty-three minutes - Can players switch among champions in the middle of the action? Or is it one at a time?
Thirty-six minutes - What do the UOL gain by having slain the Dragon?
Thirty-eight minutes - Okay, players don't just stick to one champion for the whole game. This match is collecting as much gold as possible within a time limit.
Forty-two minutes -
Forty-five minutes - The commentators and pre-game analysts are probably of good service for those in the know.
Forty-eight minutes - Do dragons come up regularly? At 16, 24, and 30 minutes?
Fifty-two minutes - Is the Nexus even involved here? What's zero-five-zero?
Fifty-five minutes - And how does one get 17 kills when there are 15 champions?
Fifty-six minutes - And we're at the stage of destroying inhibitors...
Fifty-seven minutes - So what was the win condition? Time running out? A certain number of inhibitors being destroyed?
Fifty-eight minutes - It's the nexus.
Fifty-nine minutes - And it took 40 minutes to play, which seems to be a long time for one part of a best-of-three match, unless you're thinking of tennis. How long is the intermission between this game and the next? Do they pick and ban a new set of champions for the next one? And what's Jungle TF? Is that one of the summoners?
Post view: Pantheon is a champion, and others whose names I heard are LeBlanc, Twisted Fate, Rumble, and Lissandra.
This big defeat for SoloMid is apparently a big deal because a few years ago they won MLG gold medals.
There are said to be sixteen "free" champions, but there were seventeen made available Feb. 21, 2009.

I still haven't memorized a bunch of things, and I'm nowhere near an expert, but maybe I'll learn more. I now know what it is to which "jungle TF" refers, what 0-5-0 is, that summoners DO have one champion the whole game, that the two other icons are for summoner spells, and a few basic things about how a match works. I even have my own idea for a box score, and for player and champion trading cards.

 

Happy New Year. And I don't like the word "gank."

EDIT 1/14: Had to correct win-loss percentage on Tahm Kench card because I had neglected to do so. Also, sorry for the shoddy arrangement of the boxes. I do these on PowerPoint.